grandma shit on top of the toilet
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Randomize
