theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
