Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
