you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
