I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
