It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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