I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
