i was born a porn star she said
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize