I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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