dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
