You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
