I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
