wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
