I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just gift wrapped bread.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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