allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
