At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
