There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
