the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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