Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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