it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How does it feel to date your dad?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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