Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize