Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
