Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
