Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
