There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
