Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
