we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
