I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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