It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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