i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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