Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
