i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
