I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
