I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
