I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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