everyone is single if you try hard enough
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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