Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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