so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
