are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
