i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
