You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
