You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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