My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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