our cab driver is having phone sex.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
