oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
