It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
