Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
