If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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