Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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