Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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