the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
