i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
