You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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