i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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