Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
