my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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