I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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