My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
