i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
