are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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