if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
