Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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