whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
