ugly people sure do ruin things
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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