mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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