Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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