You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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