help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
