Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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